Relationships​

The relationships with others and especially with our partners and all close relationships are among the most important aspects in life. Our wish to feel connected is our deepest nature. When we feel connected and safe we can handle the world better, it gives us strength, security and joy. But while being connected, we also want to be autonomous, in such a way that everyone’s individuality can be expressed.

Being connected safely means an alliance with enough room for individual differences and desires. Ideally, these are not threatening to the other person, but enriching. However, this is not something that can be fixed only by an agreement or by an intention. Desires and differences between partners change over the years, and the relationship should change with it. A relationship is a living, vibrant, constantly evolving and adapting organism.

Reasons to start couples therapy

If a relationship no longer moves with the changes that occur in and between the partners, an insecure attachment style arises instead of a safe connection. Usually this goes hand in hand with problems dealing with your own and the other person’s emotions. Learning to deal with those emotions will help the relationship. This creates insight into each other and the connection becomes closer, safer and more loving.

When a safe connection is under pressure, this can manifest itself in the following patterns

• Arguing and nagging constantly
• The feeling of being alone
• The feeling of not being understood
• The feeling of never doing anything right, or being unappreciated
• No longer being found attractive
• The feeling that the relationship is boring
• The relationship has come to a standstill
• Being too busy, not being able to find moments for each other
• Growing apart, not being able to talk to each other anymore
• Not wanting to engage in sex
• One of the partners is cheating

Sometimes there is so little emotional connection left that the next step is considered: finding a way to break up in a kind way:

• Doubts about continuing the relationship
• Finding a way to break up in a good way

Relationship Therapy

The goal of couples therapy is that couples learn to see how and why they lose connection and love. They learn to reconnect in a pleasant way. This promotes openness, honesty, the ability to acknowledge and forgive misunderstandings and missteps, the ability to listen and the need to be there for each other.

• At the beginning of the therapy, we will look particular how partners interact with each other and which emotions play a role in doing so.
• In the subsequent phase, a new coping style will be learned, which provides more safety and more room for vulnerable emotions. Possible relationship traumas (such as infidelity, the lack of presence of the partner, lack of the emotional connection with the partner at an important moment in the relationship) will most likely be discussed then. This is also the phase that problems can really be discussed. Skills are taught that enable the couple to break through patterns and learn to deal with the problems in other ways. Attention will also be paid to practical tools in order to deal with everyday situations and to improve communication.

Prices for couples therapy

€120 per hour. Couple therapy is not reimbursed by health insurances. Individual sessions within couples therapy are partially reimbursed depending on your health insurance.